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[10 Dec 2004|09:35am]
Playing in Seattle today with Die by Day and HMP(?). Kinda nervous, but I guess that's natural; it's a crowd I've barely even really been a part of, let alone played for at all. Ahhh, milestones.

Dimebag Darrel was shot a couple of days ago. I can't believe that anyone would want to kill Dime, and if I could get my hands on the rat fucker that did it, I'd do a lot more than shoot him in the face. I'd nail him to a fucking table and burn his fingers and toes with a lighter, cut off his eyelids and drip hot candlewax into his eyes, then pop the fuckers with a sewing needle. I guess times are changing, though; John Bonham went, Jimmi went, Stevie Ray Vaughan went, so I guess guys like Dime, Kirk Hammett and Tom Morello might as well be next. Times change, Gods fall, it's the way things are.

Fuck Nathan Gale. Fuck him in the ear with a broadheaded arrow.

Kamele, marry me.
006 -

[05 Dec 2004|11:01pm]
I am vexed. A friend of mine commited a sin toward me. I am torn between whether I should let my fists do the talking or just give him a simple confrontation. A choice must be made if I am ever going to get some sleep tonight.
001 -

[17 Nov 2004|10:13am]
Playing at the Grange in three days.
Check out -Dustin's new lip ring.-
.. which completes the set. Emergency expulsion from Arts and Tech, suspended 'till January some time. Doesn't surprise me, considering my past.

Crackhead cousin is here (the embodiment of "Seth"). Of course, he's at the mothership right now, so this sack I have is going to get smoked before he comes back to the house. Too bad for him and Chrissy.

I'd almost forgotten why I used to be such a power metal freak. Queensryche has reminded me.

So horny. Come and rape me, plzorz.
002 -

[25 Sep 2004|10:40am]
I need to get severely high. It's been like a week, and I'm too down to be sober.

Meeting Caitlin today, I guess. Arts and Tech has been okay ( ja, I got enrolled against my own will ), but the kids there are fucking pussies. I've threatened the lives of about three people, and they haven't done shit. Nobody wants to fight me for some reason. I think I'll just drop one of them in the hall.

Matt is the most metal kid there. He's badass. He has a pair of 80's leather pants he said he'd give to me. Haha, I'm going to be David Lee Roth for a day.
Alyssa used to grab on me during lunch, and it annoyed. Jordan bitched her out and she was all " wtf " and stopped, but now I guess we're going to start hanging out outside of school, so I hope she's serious about understanding that I'm off-limits, thx

Not sure what else to say. Caitlin and Erin are making lots of drama. That's about it.

Choices always were a problem for you
What you need is someone strong to guide you
Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow
What you need is someone strong to guide you
Like me

If you want to get your soul to heaven
Trust in me now don't you judge or question
You are broken now but faith can heal you
Just do everything I tell you to do..
002 -

[17 Sep 2004|10:31am]

Dirty, tired, and far off.
001 -

[15 Sep 2004|07:08pm]
Just when I thought it was over.
What do I have to do to be happy?

[13 Sep 2004|06:41pm]

[08 Sep 2004|05:50pm]
Here's a good picture.
I adore Caitlin.

Work today sucked, but probably sucked more for my dad; he almost got his middle finger cut off. You can see the bone and shit. Pretty wicked.

More lust than love. No more, fin, adios. I have decided.
Rape me, Kamele.
003 -

[06 Sep 2004|01:29pm]

My psych is in critical condition today. I woke up on the verge of throwing myself out the window, then I wanted to bite off the inside of my cheek, and rip the teeth out of my head. Bit into my cheek experimentally. It bled, and damn did it feel good.

I've always made fun of the suicidal kids, the cutters, the whiners. Now, however, I see at least some of the attraction.. but I'll still kick the shit out of any kid who comes to me and tells me they're thinking of taking the easy way out. That's not only cowardice, it's being a plain BITCH, and causes their nose to deserve my fist. If you're just going to die a self-induced, shameful death, wallowing in your own post-mortem shit in a bathroom somewhere for your dog to find and devour, you might as well do it with a broken nose. It would give me some satisfaction, anyway.

And that's all that matters.

[03 Sep 2004|03:05pm]

I'll come back to you when I'm dead.
002 -

The Essential Parts of Dustin [01 Sep 2004|01:13pm]
Random picture post, because I'm really stoned.

1: You're welcome to kiss my freshly washed ass.
2: The fingernail that will one day conquer Marysville (as well as Picture #1 in the "Dustin Needs a Hairbrush" series).
3: The hair that will assist it (I call this picture "Ode to Hairbrush").
4: The Morbid Angel shirt.
5: The only thing that comforts me in times of need.
003 -

[01 Sep 2004|12:06pm]
Caitlyn's coming over today. She got home last night, called me at about 11, and we had a nice little talk. Save for my dreams last night (harrowing, shudder), I'm in high spirits today. Everything I thought I'd gotten over in my life is trainwrecking in my head, and it's amazing how easily it's fixed by a slight twist of thought. I thought I was falling apart, but maybe I'm just healed, and the regrets are just having postmortem spasms.. ? It feels like it.

001 -

[01 Sep 2004|11:30am]
I hate my dreams. They devastate me.


[31 Aug 2004|07:12pm]
I wish that this feeling could be contagious, and everyone could experience the sense of grandeur, the elated sweetness that music gives me. In creating it, draining myself into it, I attach some form of purpose to my otherwise empty life. Without it (though I must give literature and my love for writing some credit too, I guess) my existence would be nothing but, in the words of a great man, a lame fuckaround; just another brainless teenaged burnout making trouble on the streets.
I only hope that one day I can understand my thoughts fully, map out the complexities of my world and do my creations the ultimate justice of total completion.

Opeth r Gawd. Caitlyn comes back from Montana tonight, and I see her tomorrow. Excitement, anticipation, etc. I've missed her terribly, and her return will lift a great weight from my shoulders. Something has to come of this; already I feel as though I've known Caitlyn for years. The more I understand about her, the more I become attached. She's really a wonderful person, and on top of that, someone that holds me spellbound at every turn. Just talking to her is ambrosia.

Ben is going to live here. He came to work the other day on a whim, and my dad was impressed by his perseverance, so he offered him a job and a place to live. Ben will remain in Marysville after all, it seems. I'll drink to that:

Oh, shit, I almost forgot. Tyson, Ben and I took a "game face" picture, which you will be subjected to RIGHT NOW.

l-r: Tyson, me, Ben

Not much in the way of clarity, but oh are we badass. In fact, it radiates off of this picture in merciless waves of 150% bad assedness.

001 -

[30 Aug 2004|06:43pm]
Framing houses makes me dirty. I require cleaning, and soon.

I guess it's good again. I have cleansed my mind of all ill will.
No, fuck that. This fucking hippie is OBSESSING OVER ME. "Why do you even bother with her? You know you love me, you'll just end up fucking me anyway, blahblahblah"

How desperate do you have to be before the word "no" has no effect on you? Pretty fucking desperate, methinks. The sad thing is, I'm not exaggerating at all. Above quote is literal. I've told her "No. I don't love you. " And I've told her "Well, we'll see, I guess, but take my word when I say it won't happen." And still she persists. If only it were legal for me to attack her face with my fists. I've never really wanted to beat a female, even when I was beyond angry at something (which in many cases was just so gay I had to pause and take a moment - or a week - of meditation and simmer down) said female had done, but I want to beat this one.

I'm not even her type. Not only am I the fugliest kid this side of the Mason Dixon, my life is hardcore music (well, besides the substance abuse, that is), and she gets down to Steve Miller. She couldn't sit in a car with a CD player next to me for five minutes~ and that's not a quality I appreciate in my significant others. There has to be some serious personality to make up for it, and this girl has little.

Fin. Claims that I am a bitch, with problems of little importance, are welcome, plz.
002 -

[29 Aug 2004|03:34pm]
We entered Winter once again
Naked, freezing from my breath
Neath the lid all limbs tucked away
The coffin is your abode from now on
.. and onwards
Your body is mine to avail
Such a tragic sight you are
Slave under my creed
Spurring me with those tears
I am beyond death
Midst a dreaming affinity
Saving strength now, faint whispers
Come erotic communion in its splendor
Fever mirrored ghosts
Night time consolation, cross the line
Draw murder into art
Sleep inside through days
In the wake of this relief
Shivering, longing for more
Insanity at its peak
Love me to my death
Lost are days of Spring
You sighed and let me in
Keep the beast inside
Shackled within my hide
Screaming out too late
Losing to my hate
Grew together with your skin
And paced the trails of sin
Your gaze covered with virgin snow
Rigid features
It's the shallow deed that is to blame
Deafening shrieks pierced the night
A step from oblivion
Moving into the dim lights
Hiding within a reverie
It was worth it for the wait alone

[29 Aug 2004|03:21pm]
Half-naked and pissed off upon exiting the shower, I was further dismayed to find that Alexander is leaving Children of Bodom, due to his lack of appreciation for the touring life.

The result, of course, was a half-naked and FURTHER pissed off Dustin:

I will slaughter MILLIONS.
002 -

[28 Aug 2004|10:09pm]
Hung out with Rachel for the first time in a while today. Smoked out hardcore, then Ben showed up. It was Godly. We rejoiced, and proceeded to load another bowl.

My parents are pressuring. I have to have a plan, or be kicked out of the house.
Snicker, snicker.

FIRE - Here I see the fire in my heart.. [26 Aug 2004|11:35am]
My brother wants me to design web pages with him. He's already getting requests with BANK fucking offers. Cool shit. I'm going to try and get ahold of Dustin Black first, though; see if there's anything behind all this talk of Sadie Hawkins' Rejects wanting me to play guitar for them.

Monotony is no more. I am pleased.

- Dustin and Jordan are no more!
- Dustin finds what at first he took to be a way to pass time without her, and now believes is the perfect replacement!
- Dustin almost moves to Idaho!
- Marysville loses Ben to Seattle, a catastrophe that must be corrected. (or at least atoned for with one hell of a going away party)
- Dustin is invited to play with Sadie Hawkins' Rejects, and awaits finalization so that he may begin.
- Other things happen, in a shocking manner.


/Edit, for a now irrelevant female:
The way you interpret what I said has nothing to do with the way the words formulate themselves in my head, the tone I throw onto them (which was not cynical in any way). Don't approach me with it like it's a fact. Don't try to interpret it at all, if that's how my unnecessary self-explanation can be avoided, but otherwise don't make assertions that are better left unspoken. In fact, contrary to what you think, the girl in question and I hit it off really well, before I had even considered making a relationship of it. The relationship itself I have high hopes for, and I don't need your criticism of my intentions when they're my intentions. Only I know their true nature. How they come off to you is of no consequence to me, and I would just as soon discard every word that you said concerning the matter.
/End edit for irrelevant female
And now, I hope for the moment I have anticipated all day.
Cibola! My life for you!

[26 Aug 2004|09:36am]
Beyond the black of netherworld
Lies a kingdom untouched
Created by the sins of man
And the evil that men do

Walls painted with
The color of blood,
Walls that surround all
That malice embrace

Out of the dark,
And toward the shadows
The mice feast on their flesh
Nameless souls trapped in twilight
Trapped in a time that never ends..

Pain is all where nothing is.. is nothing where pain is all.

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